It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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