There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
