i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
