I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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