the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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