You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
