my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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