if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize