an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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