I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
