Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
