Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
