You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
