Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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