did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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