Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
