I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
