She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
