I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize