Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
