My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
