Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
