her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the raccoons are back...
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