there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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