If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
