I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
