Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
