just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize