he puts the penis in happiness.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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