Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
porn star boner night. come get it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
