The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
