Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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