kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize