They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
