So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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