ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
