I will die if light touches me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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