He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
