Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
