Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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