kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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