I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
