I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize