And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
