he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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