hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
