i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize