If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i think im in europe. pls send help
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
