He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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