I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
