Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
