how can u be prego again
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
