I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
a search helicopter?!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When are your genitals available?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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