it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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