you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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