When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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