NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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