what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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