Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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