I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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