There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
