and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
