I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
