Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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