I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
