Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
