Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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