matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
