he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
