Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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