We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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