She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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