wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
